Today I received an copy of e-book, entitled Just So Mad, by Alyssa Johnson, LCSW of Talk2Alyssa.com fame. Alyssa, a relationship & family consultant, and her kool hubby, Jaime, are new business buddies of mine via a monthly educational organization. Alyssa’s tagline is “Helping people to be joyful in hope, patient in pain & faithful in prayer.”, which really just truly says it all when you’re dealing with heart-ache or heart-break, which ever the case may be. The book came as the result a few month casual conversation with Alyssa and my sharing my genuine worries over the darkening spirit of a dear friend’s constant rage as she works through betrayal and loss of a life partner and transitioning into a singleton.
Ironic timing on the book because as of yesterday the friend’s rage has lead to the a full on text attack. And the end nearly a year of quality phone conversation, text companionship and what I was told was “friendship” that I held dear to my heart. Like any guy, my brain was tired of listening to the constant broken record of rage. However, loyalty kept me holding out hope that my beautiful and brilliant thoughtful friend would return from the angry athenaeum into the light. Anger clouds judgement and kills memory of facts, which can warp actions meant as kindness. Obviously, I’m not a relationship expert, so I leave such counseling to Alyssa. Yet, the story is a great segue to problems that can arise in business amongst business associates.
In truth most “break ups” between business comrades can be avoided or prevented and ultimately repaired. The break downs are usually caused by someone not keeping an agreement or meeting a deadline. Other times business break ups can be caused by professionals overstepping in relationships. Sometimes they are caused by simple breakdowns in communications over these things. Or some unknown person can come in spread evil and muck the whole delicate balanced relationship altogether. People mishear things or they misinterpret or sometimes one side just decides they are entitled to pull power rank (which they don’t really have) and change the parameters of the agreement without discussing it with the other party. Often this is done via a public email that goes to a team before any private conversation has taken place. People fall back on old ideas of customer is king and take advantage. Strategic partnerships today are supposed to be built on win-win-win. Making it work takes as much care as any quality relationship.
Planning a business or project is crucial to success. Written agreements are so important, but its also why using email can be so useful. Often people get enthusiastic and put the cart before the horse. Small business owners need to think like corporate executives. Corporations don’t just WING anything. In successful corporations, a singular project doesn’t have multiple leaders. Fortune 500 corporations also do not just throw meetings without careful planning ahead. They don’t make venders do all their research for them.
Small business owners get so used to wearing many hats and doing everything, so they do not remember how to be a team member. First, think who called the team to order? That is your team leader. Second, team meetings require an agendas. Each member should take copious notes during planning stages and during the meeting. Concluding remarks should recap of mutual objectives, accountabilities and deadlines, wherein a mutual confirmation of agreed responsibilities is undertaken. The “who will do what by when” has permanency and each side gets a copy of the informal agreement via meeting minutes.
I realize this can also work to a disadvantage. Detailed information can also allow the unethical to take ideas not their own to other people and develop the game plan with someone else. It’s happened to me and sadly in today’s world it can happen to you. But we all know that under the good laws of the universe , “what goes around will come around.” Either that or that’s why we have lawyer trolls to advocate for us.
Japanese strive to prevent disagreements and loosing face via a tactic called PREVENTIVE MAINTENANCE. Since face and reputation is so important in Japan, its all about how do we prevent stupid human emotional crap from mucking up smooth waters and potentially destroying quality business or valuable relationships. The easiest way to keep things productive with positive out comes is good old fashioned project planning with targets, deadlines and whose job is it. Then should something unexpected occur you’ve got notes to work from in talking about agreement revisions.
The break downs and break ups typically occurs when one person makes decisions for others or tries to claim control without all the facts. That’s when people get angry, offended and all positive intentions go out the window. The point here is you can avoid considerable heart ache and business relationship destruction by being accountable first to your own words and promises by writing them down the minute you promise them. And documenting other people’s words and agreements, so that memories, which become fuzzy, clouded, colored and simply distracted with other responsibilities cannot interfere with cold and hard facts of a meeting outcomes.
