Only human, been a few weeks since I’ve felt like blogging. It wasn’t laziness or lack of idea. Perhaps, it was fatigue. Oddly enough this is the first week in a long time when I didn’t have one debilitating headache knocking me out for a few hours each day impacting productivity. One might even say I lost my inspirational muse, which is factually true, as someone who went to an in ordinate amount of time and energy over the past year to earn my trust as a business friend and REAL colleague, calling me FRIEND on numerous occasions just up and disappeared off the planet and out of my life. Since I know that person well and have been blessed and cursed with the gift of behavior prediction, it wasn’t so much a shock or surprise. Knowing the possibility three months earlier, its more likely true, I’m feeling disappointment in having believed I was witnessing some evolution in character. God throws things at us to make us realize our failings. He also provides for us exactly what we need, when we are looking for it in the wrong place. Yet, sometimes it takes people time to let go and realize that. People hold on to ideas believing they can change people, when people do constantly change and evolve on their own. Some walk in the water on the shore, but cannot let go enough to swim…
Let’s face it making a deep daily connection through conversation, commonalities and values to another soul is an astronomical rarity in this fast paced, high-tech, low-touch world in which we live today. These daily interactions or weekly in person appointments did become like air to me, but if one reviewed the phone and text logs, I wasn’t the one initiating most all the contact. Facts would show mutual relationship, although if I’m honest professional benefit scale was weighted heavily on the other side’s favor. I gave considerable professional service and mainly unpaid time to my colleague, before, during and after “crisis”. Yet, I didn’t mind because of what I was enjoying. That’s the nature of real relationships, give and take and each side gaining different things to meet needs. She gained creative work and a listening ear, I gained someone whose voice spoke to my soul like no other has reached my entire life.
Still, I haven’t felt like blogging and something I know about blogging is to not write when you are not inspired. No, I’m not pining for my friend because even despite my worst weaknesses of human frailty, when I carefully and slowly choose to befriend, I show up for that friend in a BIG and CONSISTENT ways. Thus, I do have a bit of the dragon’s sharp edge skin to say, if the individual is too stupid to acknowledge the value they received from me, then it’s on them, not me. No, I’m not depressed because many a people in my lifetime have thrown the words “friend” around, but haven’t yet matured enough to realize that word entails two sides. Professionals need to be willing to give too. A person must return as much as they receive or be smart enough to realize what the other person needs may be less. If they are unsure, they must be wise enough and bold enough to directly ask “what can I do” or “what exactly do you REALLY want” or take the other approach in person to say, “I’m sensing you may be wanting, is this accurate?” Yet, often times, people run around making assumptions. They don’t really consider what they’ve gained from the friendship. More rarely do they evaluate themselves against what they are giving to the friendship. There is a saying, “familiarity breeds contempt.” And yet, maturity says, “friends deserve forgiveness for frailty.”
Instead, those folks who consider themselves friends to the world just go off half cocked, reacting to misinterpretations of words or circumstances based on past experiences instead of REAL DIALOG.
Sure, maybe I’m disappointed. Our friends train us with their behavior of what to expect from them. When a friend calls or contacts you multiple times per day of their own accord, you do become accustomed to it. So sure, those touches of angelic light are definitely noticed when they are missing. What I think really happened is my friend realized the incredible disparity between the level of commitment and caring I provide to the person who was supposed to provide her that. Factually, she has hundreds or thousands of other cyber space options. And it only takes the root of evil a moment to take hold in someone’s brain on attitude and interpretation to want to trade what is good, a blatant gift from God, into something disposable or someone replaceable.
Thus, I take a stand. I’m here standing in the same place with the same adoration and commitment, despite the hurtfulness of the situation of being summarily trashed for no apparent reason. And the couple comments I’ve received are bullshit, when I do dare to assert some control with someone who needs control. Despite a great desire to yell, “grow up, friend, you cannot fill a broken heart with thousands of people, you must learn to manage relationships with a few.” I do believe this person is spitting in the face of God. He puts people in our lives for a reason. He doesn’t do it so we can arrogantly decide to trash these people.
So after all these intimate meanderings, what’s the ultimate business lesson? I suppose beyond just the very people we need to help grow our business, surround us. And to steal from Biblical stories of old, just like Jesus being denied three times, we dismiss them or completely miss seeing them because we are too busy looking for something bigger. Real friendly colleagues from God show up for us every time with both humility and strength. The problem generally is that we look for reasons to ignore them instead of reasons to adore them. Your job as a business owner is to help other business owners achieve their fullest potential, while we achieve our own. It takes planned partnership to do it. But you cannot do this if you are constantly saying “ME, ME, ME, ME, ME” at nausea.
